


Something's Fishy Here

by emptyswimmingpools



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, based on an old phil tweet, dan is just really shit at his job, each scene is so fuckin short, i had to google fish puns for this im cryin, kind of ridiculous, present tense instead of past for once, restaurant AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-16
Updated: 2015-10-16
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:32:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5006611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyswimmingpools/pseuds/emptyswimmingpools
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>@AmazingPhil: Just ordered fish and I said it was delicious and the waiter said 'I think you mean DEFISHIOUS.' I think he is my soulmate</em><br/> </p><p>In which PJ owns a restaurant, Dan just really needs to keep his job as a waiter there, Phil is a customer, and a lot of puns are made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something's Fishy Here

It has been a mere two weeks of working at PJ's restaurant and Dan has already decided that he absolutely fucking despises it.

No offence to PJ, of course - he's lovely, and quite possibly the best boss Dan could wish for, and he actually makes the job more bearable.

This isn't enough to stop Dan from hating every second of his seemingly endless shifts, though, and he spends the majority of the time wishing he could just go home and sleep. Actually, no, that's a lie. What he actually spends most of the time doing is cleaning up spillages that are unfortunately all his doing.

But despite his hatred for work, he knows he has to do well, because he absolutely cannot afford to get fired. He's also looking for the feeling of accomplishment when you complete a hard task, but really, the money is more important.

He has so many things to pay for. So many that he bitterly regrets ever wishing to escape his dreaded teen years.

Yes, he's his own free person now, and that's pretty cool, but Dan misses not being responsible for everything that happens in his life. He now has no one but himself to blame for his mistakes, and that, to him, is majorly daunting.

Not quite as majorly daunting as his job is, though.

Dan's an extremely clumsy person, and considering he's a waiter, you can only imagine how well that combination went together.

If he could obtain £1 for every plate he has dropped within the past two weeks, he'd certainly be a great deal richer than he is now.

He would surely be fired soon if it continued, and honestly, he's surprised that PJ hasn't already sacked him yet, but they're friends anyway, so maybe he's slightly biased.

And Dan feels guilty for that, even though he knows he can't really help it, because funnily enough, he's not PJ, and therefore he can't really change his opinion on himself.

Though, if he could, he would certainly change everyone's opinion on him to make them think he's actually a decent waiter.

-

Phil has never been to a restaurant alone before.

He never planned to, really. He hoped it would never come to this, but unfortunately, he just had nobody to go with. He wishes he did, but alas, things never really seem to go as planned in Phil's life.

He's heard stories of how degrading it can be, and how pathetic it makes you look - having no love life, and all. Phil doesn't think it sounds that appealing, but fuck it, he's hungry, and why not try something new?

"How many?" a waiter asks, and Phil starts internally panicking, because fuck, this is the embarrassing part.

"Uh, just me," he says, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"Just this way, then, Sir."

So Phil is lead to a table in the back corner of the restaurant, and thank God for that, because he's not particularly interested in being in the center where everyone in the building can see him.

He picks up his menu and starts looking.

-

Dan's been assigned a table to wait on, and he's nervous, because he can't mess this up, not after all the other mistakes he's made. Also, especially because he's seen the table, or, more specifically, the person at the table, and he thinks he's rather cute - floppy black fringe, blue eyes, colourful shirt.

But despite his nerves eating away at his insides, he sucks it up, and walks cautiously over to the table.

"Hi, I'm Dan, and I'll be your waiter for the evening. What can I get you?" he asks - without stumbling! - pulling out his notepad and pen to write the man's request down.

"I don't really know. What would you recommend?" he asks, and Dan has a momentary mind-blank, before he remembers the situation, and tries to think of a dish to say.

"The fish is always a good option. It's my favourite," Dan blatantly lies, because really, he hates fish, but it was the first thing that popped into his brain.

"Nice! Okay, I'll have one, thanks," the man says, before smiling, and placing his menu on the table.

"No problem. It'll be with you in no time," Dan says, and he smiles back, before walking away.

He fist-bumps the air as soon as he's out of sight, because sweet Lord, he hasn't messed up yet, and that's probably a new personal record.

-

As soon as the waiter leaves Phil is left with one question: how does one flirt?

Dan's cute, and he seems nice, and Phil probably looks like an idiot right now all by himself, and he's probably messed everything up already before he even gets a chance to properly talk to the guy.

Is it considered inappropriate to have a _slight_ crush on your waiter? Phil hopes not.

Regardless, he knows he can't help his feelings anyway, so he was going to flirt in the only way he knew: puns.

This wasn't going to end well.

-

Dan brings the guy's (who he still wasn't aware of the name of) fish over, and as soon as he places it on the table, he says "wow, something's fishy here," and holy motherfuck, Dan's not sure if he should laugh or cry at that pun.

But he figures crying is considered rude, so he laughs. "Nice one..." he says, trailing off at the end in order to prompt the guy to tell him his name.

"Phil," he says, and the name suited him somehow.

"Right. Nice one, Phil," he says, and walks away again.

-

By the time Phil has finished eating, he has came to the conclusion that he hasn't made a mistake. In fact, maybe things are actually going well, for once.

So Dan comes to collect his plate, and he asks, "so how was your meal?"

"It was delicious!" Phil exclaims, beaming at Dan, and Dan smiles back.

"I think you mean de _fish_ ious!" Dan responds, and bloody hell, did Phil just find his soulmate?

"Ah, so I see you're a fan of puns as well."

Dan smiles. "You betcha."

"I think puns make every conversation more... _swimmingly_."

"I know I'm already _hooked_ on this one."

"Yeah, this one's r- _eel_ -y good, isn't it?"

"De _fin_ itely."

"Okay, I'm running out of these now," Phil says sheepishly.

"Shame. I was having fun," Dan responds, and Phil's heart does that flippy-over thing.

"Me too," he says, and Phil pushes himself to take the leap of faith, and carry on. "We can have another pun war later, if you're interested?" Phil asks, and Dan blushes.

"I'd quite like that."

"Here - I'll write my number on that napkin." Phil grabs Dan's pen and scrawls it down.

 _Phil_  
_01234 567 879_  
_Sea you later!_

Dan snorts at the message.

-

"So, you didn't mess up on that customer. I'm impressed," PJ compliments him, and Dan reckons he couldn't get any happier.

"Thank you," Dan answers.

"You do know that seducing customers is against our policies, though, right?" PJ asks, and _fuck_.

"I- uhm- you see- ah-" Dan stutters, but before he can think of something to say, PJ cuts in again.

"It's fine, Dan. You'd be great together. But let's not have a repeat of it again, yeah?"

"Alright," is all Dan can respond with, because the smile on his face is back, and right now, all he can think of is going straight home and texting Phil.

**Author's Note:**

> short. shitty. not proofread. the [tweet](https://twitter.com/AmazingPhil/status/483487160603930624). feedback is appreciated.


End file.
